Still Sick

I get about seven sinus infections a year, and I feel like I might beat that record this time around. I've already had three. At least I didn't lose my voice this time around.

My main complaint about being sick isn't the pain and the grogginess, it's the fact that I'm pretty much unable to do anything. I wanted to get some cleaning done this weekend, but that didn't work out. Jim and I were supposed to be in Texas seeing Laura Marling, but hey, losing $700 isn't that big of a deal, right?

It's depressing to note how far away I am from the gaming world at the moment. I just played the demo for Bayoneta, God of War III, and Heavy Rain. I don't like the school year. It's puts me back on games, and then I end up overwhelmed in the summer. Little Big Planet 2 was announced recently. At least I know I have one game to make it to the midnight release for.

First Post

So, I figured it's about time I start one of these. I've had a few, but looking back on them, they disgust me. It's hard to write about your life and thoughts when you don't know yourself. That is not to say that I know myself at all, but I recognize that it is a journey, and I've finally taken a step in the right direction.

Why is it that whenever I'm sick I get tons of ideas, or remember things I have to do? I hardly have motivation as it is, but adding a head cold into the mix just flushes it right down the toilet. I tried to take a nap earlier, and all I could think of was

1. The bedroom is a mess. I should clean up my nightstand, and get some laundry done.
2. I should start recording some YouTube videos like I promised in my formspring
3. I should try to beat my high scores in Amplitude.
4. I need to make an appointment to see my gynecologist.
5. I should do some dishes.
6. I need to finish my tattoo designs.
7. I should create a blog...

And, here I am. The list was a lot longer, but due to the amount of cluttered paper floating in my brain, the remaining items have been pushed to the back until I tire of the ones in front.

I'm at a crossroads right now about what I want to do with my life. For the first time, I'm frustrated that I'm generally good at a lot of things, and not exceptional at one thing. I can write semi-decently, I am a pretty good dancer, I play piano and trumpet well enough that people listen, I'm pretty knowledgeable in Philosophy, Psychology, and English, I'm a fairly decent artist, I know a thing or two about makeup, etc. My problem stems from the lack of motivation and short attention span. I cannot just sit down and paint a masterpiece. I have to start on at least six working masterpieces, and never finish a single one. I get tired of something instantly. I play four hours of a video game, and I turn it off and play three others before I return to the newest one. The only exception used to be books. I would sit inside in the summer and read for nine hours in a row, of the same book. Now, I read at least four at once. I have an obsessive personality, so I latch on to things, and abuse them so much that I tire of them in mere weeks.

I thought I had my life figured out. The one stable idea in my brain was what I would do for living. I was going to be an English teacher. Until I got to college, and decided I really didn't have the same passion for it as I did in high school. So I decided I'd double major in Philosophy and Psychology. Except for the part where I live in Michigan. So, I'm back to square one, and more than frustrated. It's downright depressing.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
-Jean Paul Sartre